I freaking want to wallow

[listen to my voice, it's my disguise]
So, I'm trying to be depressed about my life. Hell, i'm not even trying. All I want to fucking do is die, okay? (not really).
So, I come home and start bawling.
And turn on the TV.
There's a woman with half a body talking about how great her life is despite all her hardships, blah blah blah blah blah.
Fuck.

Why is it so hard for me to feel bad about myself? I start to rock at it, and then I get to feel [planes, trains, and cars] like shit because I feel like shit about my not shitty life!

Court on friday. He's pleading innocent. I can't go. I want to see him. I hate him. I don't hate him. I hate me. I hate them. I hate everything and everyone, everywhere.
Leslie is going on friday, too.
She's a sweetie.
I hope everything will just end. He'll plead innocent, the judge will think i'm a lying sneak and rule him not-guilty and the whole thing will be over.
Fuck, charge me for purgury. [cuz that's just who I am this week]
"there's so much detail, did you have to tell them all that?"
Well, hell, I didn't know.
I still don't know. [drop a heart]
I hate it.

I've got this sick feeling.
and zits.
god.