Winter is a killer when the sun goes down

Hello there.
Got a phone.
Now I feel awful [since early 1995, all my shit has been in boxes]about it because I don't deserve any of this stuff. I lie, I cheat, I fuck up. The end. That's all I do, and they are...well, rewarding it, it seems like. [time to kill]

I'm in love with Motion City Soundtrack. All three albums. The lyrics. [i wanna try to get better]
They're amazing.

I wish I had texting. Haha, isn't that selfish of me? There are people who don't have family [too tired to go to sleep], or who don't have homes or food or eyes or arms or legs or love or reasons to be or motives or thoughts and i'm complaining about not having texting on my phone.
But ya gotta admit, texting is way convienient these days [never is a lonely little messed-up world]

I feel helpless, for the most part.

God.osh. whatever.

[even if it kills me] I have my first therapy session tomarrow. I don't need a shrink. I don't need to talk because ohmygodicantsleeporeatorgoonanylongerbecauseimohsoscarredandterrified. See? There I go being selfish and rude, AGAIN. But I don't need it. I don't want it. All these people trying to help me get over something that I don't fucking want to get over.

I got a Chia pet that comes with one of the cute little plush chia toys that sing...I read the directions wrong and soaked the sing-y chia and am trying to grow things on it. My mother [calling all cops and autobots] thinks that it will start rotting soon. *bwaahahaha*.
Needless to say, it doesn't sing anymore.

Rawr.

It's amazing how moods change immediatly after holidays. No one wants to be pissed or bitchy during them, but the day after, you get a double dose (or triple. or quadruple. Or Dodecaple.) [I make the same mistakes]

I need to stop eating so much. Or at all.

My mother has turned into a full-blown insomniac.
I'm getting there.
Dad pretty much is the same.

Only 16 months left. I can't wait.

My damn ACTs haven't come yet. I WANNA KNOW HOW WONDERFUL I DID. Or, you know, pathetic.

[how you make it sparkle and glow]

I wish I could say it, but I can't. Can't do it. Whatever. Don't want to.
Yeah, I do.
Oh well.
[this time I mean it]