Well...I still keep secrets

So, everyone in the whole world has started blogging, which, of course, amped up my desire to blog. Except I really don't want people I know reading about my life, but hey, it might happen on accident someday.

So, this is what's new with me.

I am almost six months pregnant with a baby girl. Ty and I are still together...kind of. I live in one place and he lives in the other, but I have to have my stuff out of my trailer by the first of the year. I would really, really, really love to go live with Tyson and share our little baby girl and love each other and be a family, but the drugs hinder it. I love him with everything I have, but every time he snorts a pill, I find that love going down. I wish he would have picked me in the ultimatum. And now I have to decide if I'm going to be content being second place in his eyes for the rest of my life. I also have to worry about our daughter. I know he wouldn't ever hurt her, but I'm afraid he'll get caught and she'll be taken away.
The other option is move in with my parents. And i love them and appreciate them, but idontwannaidontwannaidontwanna. But it might be the best option for me to get my shit together.

I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I need a job. I need a job.

So...

So, less than a month since the last post and...

-I now have my pizza hut job
-I now have my home health job
-I now have a cashiering job
-Tyson now has a pizza job
-Becky's baby boy died =(
-Becky's little sister got herself knocked up
-Xavier moved out

and I still haven't dusted. Ack.

Back again.

Hey there, sunshines.

It's been almost two years since I last posted, and honestly, I haven't really changed that much. I'm now nineteen, living with my boyfriend (his name is tyson,) two dogs (Mishka; a pit/lab mix, and Borris; a blue heeler/german shepherd mix,) and a boy named Xavier. We're pretty broke, because none of us had jobs for about two months there, but things should be getting better...Tyson just got a job at Micky D's, and I have a home health client and a job at Pizza Hut.

While I haven't changed a whole bunch (I'm much more mellow now, but thats about it. Oh, I stopped dying my hair bright red.) the world around me sure has. My best friend in the whole wide world went on a mission-he'll be back in December of this year- and I guess we floated apart because I don't receive letters, and neither does he. My other best friend in the whole wide world got married and had a little boy! Everyone else in my class has either gotten married or has had kids. It's very weird. I keep saying this, and I think Tyson thinks i'm pressing, but I'm really just astonished. I was always told to wait until at least my mid twenties to make any commitments like that...I guess no one else got the memo, or I missed the one that said "ALRIGHT KIDS, it's time to start procreating!" Although, Tyson did ask me to marry him and bought me this gorgeous ring, so I guess I'm just as trendy as everyone else. I dropped out of school due to too much alcohol and not enough money, but I'm going back this fall to start (and finish!!) my nursing degree(s). I got really sick in December of 2009, and almost died, and now i've got a sort of newfound view on life. I also have an insane amount of medical bills, but it's all good. I bought a car!! (it's a Nissan X-terra. A mommy car. Hmm.) The thing that's really weird to me about growing up (in my life, and many other's, i assume) is that before and during college, I planned out how much I was going to eat, what I was going to eat, schemed to get out of eating, etc. Now I wake up and wonder if I'm going to be able to eat today. I scheme to get people to give me food. Tyson and I both LOVE cooking, but since we're broke shit, sometimes (a lot) there is no food. I went to my mom's house after I got my tax return, but before I bought groceries, and got lectured on the importance of eating healthy and whatnot, and since apparently being hungry makes me moody, I ended up yelling and crying at my father, "DAD! All I have to fucking eat is fucking peanut butter, and it has fucking protien, carbs, fat, and vitamins, so get off my ass!"...and proceeded to shovel food in my mouth. And I can't tell you what we had. I don't keep constant track of what I eat anymore. It's not written down in any notebooks (unless it's a particularly bad day in the life of me) and I don't puke (unless it's a really really bad day in the life of me. Except, there was a week there where everything made me violently ill. Stomach flu or something.)

I live in a different town now, too. I don't know that many people here, just ty's family and my friend Kay's family, and honestly, I'm okay with it. I don't drink much anymore, I don't smoke weed much anymore. I'm fairly healthy, if a little malnourished.

Anywho, I've been thinking about it, and I guess it's that time in my life again where I need a place to journal my thoughts and whatnot, a place to rant, a place to express feelings that I don't really want anyone in my direct life knowing about at that moment. And it's okay if I don't have readers, and it's okay if I don't have commenters, although both would be nice =)

ciao for now.

kathryn.