Case open, case shut

Okay, THIS is how I know I have an addictive personality and should not do any more coke than absolutely necessary (I don't do drugs, I swear to god.)...I decided to resuscitate my blog, and then about two seconds later, I decide to post again.

I was going through my other blogs (you know, the usual ones-Xanga, MySpace, Livejournal, Deadjournal, etc...) and the old posts on here...
Jesus, I sound fucked up. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm making it worse...I mean, bulimia sounds worse when you read it than when you're doing the barfing-no joke. When you're bent over the toilet, you don't think "oh jesus, i'm one fucked up little girl", you think "huh. I ate that third, i'm getting close". It's after.
But I've stopped barfing...It's been over a year now, but that doesn't mean I haven't thought about it. It's a constant in my head, almost like S...except that bulimia isn't going to go to jail for being in my throat...
Okay, that was crude.
I don't know if I've established this in writing yet, but I have a serious anger problem. My counseler in sixth grade made me take home an anger managment book-I threw it out the window, then threw a match on it. No joke. It's humorous now, but god damn, it was stupid. But I regress...I'll be sitting there all happy and stuff, then suddenly I'll feel chlosterphobic, hot, out of control, and like I swallowed hot, hot coffee. I'll blow up. I don't know what happens or why it happens, but it makes me even more pissed off-not to mention, it gets me in mucho trouble...I've tried talking about it, but I just sound like a whiney loser...Much like when I told my casemanager lady that I thought I was manic depressive. *sigh*

"for when she is good,
she is very, very good,
and when she is bad,
she is horrid"